Wedding, schmedding

I guess I'm getting old: over the last few years, my friends have been getting married left and right, having kids, investing in real estate... And asking me when I'll be doing the same. When I feel snide I tell them they should be happy I'm still single, since that means I'll have time for them when they're recovering from their divorce. They just laugh in a carefree sort of way that makes me feel that actually, we're still young.

But anyway. Last Sunday, I went to a friend's wedding, at the Ritz-Carlton here in Osaka. Although I'm almost 30, it was the first time I attended a wedding, and I was a little nervous: this being Japan, there's bound to be rules I don't know, faux-pas to be made, and polite speech expressions I had never heard before. But relax, I told myself, you've made a fool of yourself many times before in this country, one more time won't kill you. My friends also did their best to reassure me, the general advice being "go with the flow, and everything will be fine!"

I got there early in my nicest suit and tried to smile to everyone, eventhough I only knew three people out of the 120 guests: the bride, her sister, and the sister's two-years-old kid. The kid started crying the moment he saw me, but that didn't faze me. Being gawked at by most guests didn't faze me either. After six years in Japan, you get fairly thick-skinned! So I just smiled, looked at the beautiful kimonos and party dresses, and waited for things to kick off.

Finally, sometime before 11:00, we went to the chapel, and the show began. Some blond dude was playing the priest with only the slightest hint of embarassment, but it took all my self-control to keep a straight face when that faux priest started marrying the non-Christian bride and groom. Around me, the bride's friends were crying softly at the beauty of the moment. Needing to cool down, I tried to think of something horrible, and the first thing that came to my mind was George W Bush. It did cool me down... Until I started remembering some bushisms ("they misunderestimated me!"), and it was back to square one. Fortunately, it was time to read psalms, which I had never done before; concentrating on the archaic Japanese the psalms were written into took my mind off the comedy that was taking place onstage. Then the bride and groom exchanged rings and kissed. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside, because that meant we were going to have lunch soon!

Boy was I wrong. After the schmaltzy chapel show, we had an open air photo session, a throwing-rose-petals-at-the-bride-and-groom session, an indoor photo session (I skipped that one), and then a short break to get a drink. It was actually so short that by the time I got my liquor we were already being summoned to the next stage. I guzzled it quickly, and well right was I! The next step was to line up for 15 minutes to sign our names in the wedding register. It wasn't that bad; I finally got to chitchat a bit and got introduced to a few nice people.

And then... Will our hero finally get lunch? The answer next week!

Love Hotels Part I: Rest Or Stay?

There is a list of "Things To Do" when travelling in Japan: visit a few temples, go to a sento (public bath) or onsen (hot springs), eat at a real sushi restaurant, try pachinko (a kind of vertical pinball), get lost in a "tech town" district like Akihabara in Tokyo or Den-Den Town in Osaka...

...And of course, spend a night in a "Love Hotel".

Love hotels are inexpensive but high-quality hotels where rooms can be booked by the hour ("rest") or for the night ("stay"). They are primarily aimed at the young couple in quest of intimacy, and emphasize discretion so as not to embarass their customers. Thus, they are generally located off the main streets, and their entrances and exits are slightly concealed. The only thing you see of the staff is their hands when they take your money. In the parking lots, screens raise to hide the cars number plates. All is made to minimize the risk of meeting an acquaintance by chance... Although, of course, it sometimes happens! There are many stories of people bumping into their regular partner in the hall of a love hotel. I guess it must be funny.

The really surprising thing about love hotels, though, is their sheer number. They can be found everywhere. It is quite interesting, considering that the Japanese are not known for frequent intercourse. According to my friends, the success of love hotels is due to 3 kinds of people:

-Young couples: in Japan, most people live with their parents up until marriage, and it is unthinkable to invite your loved one for a week-end at the family home; so the hotel is the only place to go until marriage. And even if one of the partners has his/her own place, Japanese people are very shy about inviting people to their homes (even people they feel intimate enough with to have sex together), so many starting couples prefer to meet on "neutral ground".

-Older couples: Japanese apartments are famously cramped and poorly soundproofed. So couples with kids or living with elderly parents (a common occurence throughout Asia) rarely feel relaxed enough to make love at home. So they go to a place where they can concentrate on having fun: the love hotel next door, for example.

And then there are the "other couples", or as Lisa Katayama put it in Wired "politician and secretary, teacher and student, husband and hooker"... In Japan, married couples are notoriously uninterested in conjugal sex ("sexless couples" are one of the most common themes in the Japanese media), but it doesn't mean they have no libido... And quite often that libido goes into extra-marital affairs. Anyway, these "other couples" can certainly use the privacy of a love hotel!

To be continued in: Love Hotels Part II, a room for every fantasy!